Some words..

Just want to say thank you to him for working so hard to get the budget for my birthday trip at Taiwan. Although just a lil cake without any happening celebration but I know he got my heart just sometimes dont know how to show out.. on the other way I feel that he already use to it and im also be responsible on this because I let this happen! I really had no idea how I want to tell him that we really cannot make up.. honestly, whenever he want to xxx with me im rejected and on my side is not watery at all! Fuck!!! So this is sure on my mistake d.. im had no feeling with him anymore but still love him like my family. I really hope that can celebrate with him a sweet birthday I mean his birthday which one end of December 31st only decide to telling him we should breakup but can I wait? Can he wait? Im in love with another guy but this guy patient I had no idea with it so I just go on with my own feeling and im really hope he can understand why im like that? This is super long relationship and I really need to think of it because not only both of us.. both of our family and many more issues! I scare he hurt and I scare myself also cannot take it.. I dunno anything thats why until today I cant make any decision! He was so mad on me because of my stupid mind and I was so upset of his rudeness to me! I know he want me think right but im the one understand myself more than him just the timing there.. mayb he thought I was dragging time but its not.. everything come suddenly and I need to react instantly..
Arrghhhh, I had no idea what am I saying d! I really hope he understand my situation and why im told him that not to wait if he feels im dragging his time is because he is lost patient that was I felt! And sincere from my heart if he ownself decide not to wait I cant say anything just treat as we had no fate at all.. even I had breakup with my current bf.. I miss him :/