Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Mixed feeling!

Today is a night im crying lot due my offer got super low and still couldn't find a good job. Everyone always update with my current job and for them im the one always who love to change job. Seriously, am i? If not because of Jing Si im still jobless for almost 7 months. Im glad and i still looking for better job due cultural shock. Its ok and comfort to staying there but im looking for someone can assist me and guided to better of me. Ok, come back to original version today. Last week i went for interview which is my fav working in travel agent. I did for myself to low down my expectations salary from 3.8k to 3k only due i understand travel line salary is kinda low. Waiting two days finally got the mail from the boss. She only offer me rm2k as executive which is my past 4 years ago salary. Im experience and not a fresh grad.... Why? I really dont get it! Am i really bad til like this? I am so so down and finally cry out. So tiring and exhausted keep looking for job.
Just now i felt sad in sudden dunno why because of his wording makes me think of previous relationship. Its because of work and reducing an accompany. I told him my buddy wedding on wednesday at alor setar and he told me see first how. Then i told him that nonit see first coz im sure will go because is my buddy and yeah im expecting he will join me but he is not when i ask him are u really wont come that day? He said he might got work to do. Then i asked i will go til alor setar wor.. He said how about your friend? This sentence makes me started feel worry. Will everything re-act past 7 years again? Its because im time to wasting his (ex) time on work hard, yeah which is from beginning til better then he is belong to someone else now. Its doesn't matter anymore but why im worry also might be little dot told me that i had wasting 7years to teaching a boy become a good man and husband now am i going to teach new boy again? Which is the same situation from beginning work hard and of course im supporting but this time i will waiting for how long? Seriously, im ready for marriage but i know its not the time yet due he is not satisfied current result. But izit when touch on marriage must do everything in a line first? Im so complicated due im dont have high pay salary.. Commitment stucked.. Relationship makes me feel insecure.. Should i go oversea as a bet for my life? Will he feel sad when im apart? I guess im dead! I really cant do it.. I worry he will sad although he is supporting me! Kill me pls.. what's an emo night even im still crying while typing!


Good night!

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Moody December 2016

I know I shouldn't be so negative because I know every bad moment that you had you'll got something good on coming. Just can't help it now due I'm feeling so sad towards those innocent colleagues been threatened bad by cruel company. My current company is the worst company that I never met before. In a month they can terminate staffs with their own prefer and due it is been backstabbing by backstabber. The popularity of this company was the character is 8 per 10 due mostly is listening person. Love to listen people say without any proof and believe it too.
Today there are 2 colleagues told me about their feeling and she cried in front of me. We never say much each other but she willing told me her situation which is company not let her to claim OT thus she is the only one do everything on the dept. (sorry I can't say which dept of that)
This company won't appreciate what u done for them and mostly they kicked out was talented person which i feel so stupid they are keeping all the old and non creative person in this company. I am no idea what am I writing here just want to shout-out and after that get back my work. I really don't know how long am I still going to work here because environment really can't help it! I feel unhappy and heavy feeling everyday. Even my housemate or friends keep asking me am I no sleep at night? I was keep dreaming recently and feel so heavy when woke up. My eyes getting yellowish as my colleague told me. I don't know why..
The another things, he also facing difficulty from his company but I feel he can do it and his company not worst like mine yet so I feel he can face it. Sometimes yeah feeling want tell him more but I feel himself stress too so i try to give some positive strength for him better than negative..
Hope our December month will past peacefully and happy. No worries i will treat it as challenge how to play around to this cruel company! Fighting Angie 💪

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Another stage of my life!

Recently I got another challenge towards on myself due on my job, my business and all surrounding me. Yeah! I started my new business since May 2016 and is still baby so need put lots effort on this. My business is a travel business which targeted backpackers, and who loves holiday in budget way.
I guess this is the first holiday planner in Penang who run the business with low cost but with super localize itinerary including personal tour guide and driver! I run this business with him Mr Egg who really support me and put lots effort in this. We really look forwards on this and hope everything is run smoothly.

Another things that happened on me is the place i worked. On September, they decided to transfer me to another dept and the reason is i'm failed in judgement and i'm not suitable in motorcycle line. This is what my leader who i'm respected the most and feel he will bring you up nor give u such crazy reason. I know i should be positive but all the reason is really ridiculous even though i told my friend around and even my younger sister they felt is unfair because sales is not bad and i'm able to reactivate back 70% of inactive merchant back. Honestly speaking, i couldn't accept this reason and i can't give myself a good reason that im bad than the new hire people which had no experience in this line and the grade is higher than me. She just enter this company within 3mths and she is the first marketing had confirmed in 2mths with do not much yet! Feeling so unbalance and why not transfer her out and is me? 

However, i'm accept the fate and try to accept the new transfer which will transferred to PFCC (Personal Loan and Credit Card) which totally not my interest but no harm to give myself a try so i'm accepted since my salary is remain the same as been told by my leader. The only thing makes me fed up and feeling like letting people play a fool on yourself is really a bad bad feeling. They are the one want to do transfer but told me there is no vacancy yet and until yesterday told me have a vacancy but not the original branch that im here now is another branch. I had agreed that because there is no 3rd choice.

After agreed, the new leader told me that she found my current salary had allowance which is quite big amount and she said when change to her dept there is no allowance. My allowance is RM500 and can you imagine that if you get transfer the RM500 that you always had suddenly gone just like that! It's make me super fed up and this matter makes me cry twice in front of diff leader. So shameful and i really not strong enough. After 1 day consideration, i'm decided to take the offer meanwhile finding another job which able to support my commitment and meanwhile can run my own business until have inquiry.

I feel myself exhausted but worth because all i did is for myself and future too. Of course he too, we really makes ourselves into it and schedule so pack everyday. Hope we stand still and be happy to facing everything.

Start from next week i need to adjust myself lunch without him because he got better offer and the last day for him is this coming Friday. So fast until today Wilber said about farewell i only realize that. I know is still mainland but another feeling comes is our meeting will become lesser and i can see his passionate on his new job which is good. Happy for him that finally he found his always wanted job.

Just feel long time no blogging so just type out what i want to say and now want to continue find my new job! Thanks and goodbye :)

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Use to it!

I found lately im so use to it to lay on him and so depending on himself.. I will missing him even after we met few mins ago.. OMG! Am I ok? I think im ready be with him in my life but one thing that I always not sure is do he ready too? Actually testing him few times from my questions and I found he is not really yet.. feeling super nervous and dont know what to do.. these make me feel so insecure and makes me want to reducing my thought more into it.. but feeling always hardest to control so I just be myself! Maybe he found is too early or how.. but actually I am ready and im willing to commit anything! This is very first time my feeling super firm on this..
Anyway, I love when leaning, cuddling with him so much! Hope everything is smooth and hoping our life getting better too on what we working hard now! :)

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Stubborn!

After have a great gathering with my jimui and escape from my part time gym.. come back time, my dad was telling something to my sisters. I know he taught my sisters about company politics and at first I not willing to join so just ignore until I heard my dad keep saying my uncle is useless I feel angry. I cannot accept my dad why keep saying people useless and that is his own brother. He not helping or guiding him and keep saying him useless. So I voice up and have little argument in attitude matter.
I told my dad we human always did wrong is only pointing or saw people mistake but not ownself. So I ask my dad did he know keep saying people useless is a wrong? He not feeling wrong and even praising ownself he is correct. WTF!!! He super confident and say he had nothing need to be change. I feeling worst and trying want to help but his thinking too "close" but keep telling u he is quite open to receive people comment. He asking me for help how to communicate or any method I suggested him to buy a books to gain more but he said no need is useless because he feel no matter what book is selling outside is also from human thinking. So he feel his own thinking is perfect so blocked about books too! This moment I feeling speechless and think back why previously he keep asking us to read more books instead himself is not doing his own part or parents character showed to his children. This is what I can see the stubbornness and typical asian man thinking! I cannot accept so I quit the conversation and have a good bath before sleep. Night!