End Xmas

This year quite special for me which celebrate with him together. I bought him a watch which using delivery. At first makes me so worry about it but when the stock arrived and its packed in good. Makes me feel not perfect is this is not my first choice due its out of stock! Anyway, on that night before heading for countdown we exchange in car and I super duper nervous he wont like it.. but he love it and he gave me a box with wrapping in nice gift wrapper. I opened up and super surprise that cant believe he present me a watch too. There is so gham timing my current watch suddenly stop (I guess due of battery dead) which is a gift from my ex.. oh ya, just now I saw his post up the watch which is same brand of what I had present to him.. fuck! Dont know he will misunderstand or not? Although he dont have his account but he quite smart and might accidentally saw it! Arrghhhh.. whatever! I believe he is on my side.. and bcoz of this makes me want to buy the most suitable watch for him again! I dont care..
Opps! Im not mad just feel sienz.. and glad got someone present him a gift I guess his sis.. bcoz his bday on coming Thursday (31st Dec).. wish him really can let go, be more strong and mature enough! Sincerely wish him :)
Besides, im enjoyed today outing with him.. I guess im totally on him d! Many questions on my head.. am I too fast? Am I this and that? Holy.. I just feeling safe and warm when with him..

Shocked Surprise!

After work whole day and have a good hug with him, come back time is quite late about 11.30pm and my dad scold me again saying not listening to him! Haiz.. sometimes really feel breathless but im understand what he worries about.. just sometimes im not purposely want to be late but use to it and trying back home after work without talking much with Michael and Carrie!
Anyway, ignoring and open my room door I saw a bouquet rose on my bed. The first feeling I know is from him (ex) and open the card it is.. What my expression? Is feeling normal and wasted.. why some people really will do things on wrong timing? Why everything is over only trying to satisfy or giving you previous that not giving? Anyway, no text for "thank you" and just put aside or give my mum to put on vase as deco. Really hope he is good and stay happy as he wishing to me!
P/s: pls dont continue countdown for our anniversary because the date on the card is wishing our date of anniversary! #imsorry

Condition or Unconditionally

This arguement is started since yesterday night and I feel this topic makes me feel something and understand something too. A simple question like "What is Love?" is started makes me question myself and what I had answered is Love is a bonding and connection between one to others and it's can be applies on many perception nor relationship. I also found out he is condition person after I told him about this discussion and he quite expecting lots but wont let you know or tell you what he had expecting. So for this kind person because of they not easily to express out just waiting for the connection that what he had expecting will quite wasting time or letting the precious time away because he couldn't reach what he had expected!
So am I for sometimes, my head keep on thinking that why I need to think so much? By the way, im really open for everyone and know how to grab a chance. This time I don't really expecting much but still have on him dunno why.. but he makes me feel he like use to it and keep saying he waiting me when ready.. urghhh! How to say ready leh? I'm already single and mentioning open for everyone is mean ready I guess but I feel he is the one not yet ready so let's see the time goes! No rush while scanning on him because im on crush with him only by now.. ><

加重！

分了手，可是他却不死心还一直烦我的身边的朋友让我很懊恼！我只是要让他自己领悟我们的问题可是他却没有而是不想输一只想办法要我回来~想买东西给我还有做一些有没有的东西。朋友们都开始觉得反感了也真的觉得他有问题，他真的失去理智当他感觉到我有人追求。他怕我接受了他，他就没有机会了可是现在他做了这些会让他连机会都失去了！可是我又不想这样，真的伤脑筋。今天是gep和他们的merchants聚会让后从昨晚他第一次很认真的告诉我要睡觉了很累一点都不想说了然后就让他去睡觉吧可是到今天早上到了现在都不跟我说话也不看我一眼！真是的~所以我也不要说那么多了就出去，去找3个merchants然后买了香蕉糕坐在车里一边吃一边等时间上班！刚刚他whatsapp我说他今晚不来了因为有dinner聚会和他的老板我就回复好吧就没了。他也不问回我也没多问了！心情不舒服~不懂为什么可能又是那个在意的心情吧！讨人厌 :/

071115 Goodbye my love!

Step in 4th days after breaking up and feeling normal now because like always did just in your heart that you always put him inside slowly taking out day by day! Yea, the date mentioned on my title is the day we broke up and im crying for 2days. Feeling bad but im struggle for almost 3 years problem finally made up and why crying is because 8yrs relationship gone just due on my feeling. I'm open my laptop look back all my memories with him and I found out its getting lesser year by year until for so long the end memory is ending on our last week holiday at Taiwan. I saw the pics that we taken is not like our 1years or previous years anymore. I admitted that I couldn't wait because im waiting for 8yrs and its still the same. Im the one like surprise, romantic and giving hints but in this relationship its make me open my hints until I need to straightforward with him what I want what I need its still the same. I celebrating birthday at Taiwan, sound nice but there is no celebration and lil surprise for me. No complaint just feel our direction is different and just we feel comfort due the period of relationship until we lazy to spoke out!
In my heart, he is still a good man just he had not aware that he already use to it without giving any action and thought work harder to give me better future. He is a kind man, he giving his everything to me as long I am requested but he dont know how to express his love on action! Mayb you cant get me but I know him well and made this decision is the super hard in my life but I made it. Really hope he can keep on his life and treat better to the next one because I know he will be a good husband. No fate be together but I wish we still can be friend oh no is very best friend so called soul mate. Hope so because until now we no finding each other and I am wondering what he is doing? Did he eat on time? Did he feel alright and concentrate back on his work? Until today I saw him "like" on one of my fb post! I shocked and smile coz I can feel he is alright.
So, after all this with all weirdo healing time like crying while eating, crying while laughing and many more I will enjoy my single life although in my heart there got someone treat me so well and we got complicated relationship there but I feel that I should take it slow and see his action! I want see the sincerity, caring, comfortable, and the ready of him. Of course I will give others chance if got but im willing to hear the proposal with officially. God bless :)

不解！

有时候我觉得是不是我一厢情愿呢？感觉到我给了他很多次机会可是他好像不怎么样感到我自己觉得很渴望什么什么的。开始不明白他到底要怎么样，还是依然爱我还是累了不爱了！刚刚在bnb时候，当他一个人做的时候我就去纠正他可是他竟然很不自然的看别的地方而且一直找Carrie来教他！那个动作让我觉得很伤心也很难过...是他故意的还是真的不想和我面对面可是我去带他又要我带真的让我伤脑筋。他做了这个反应时候，我的心真的不自在也很想哭可是那时我还教其他人所以就忍住了当作没事！终止它让我不知该如何是好，我不懂该不该对他一样好还是他不喜欢我对他这样了开始厌倦我这个做不到决定的人还要对别人拉拉扯扯！我就是在等时机嘛~算了吧，如果对我是还有心的话我自然会看到他的急急而不是我一直找他烦他才看到他对我的反应！竟然他让我觉得他不想了也不想让我去他的家了就没关系了就怪我自己吧！真的时间可以证明一切也可以证明其实别人不是那么的喜欢你只是自己不小心掉了湖里还找不到呼吸的地方。也许这两个人都不属于我的因为他们真的一点不怎么样 :(

Goodbye Taiwan!

It's 3.34am midnight and im still awake, couldn't sleep well because the seat makes my neck so pain! So I had ordered peanut RM5 to bite while listening my music and singing softly.. on half way the captain announced to buckle up the seat belt due the weather not stable so everyone buckle up including me of course. Looking out the window its lighting everywhere and the flight is floating bit but still ok! I'm seat on 42G which is center seat.. both of my sides sleeping so peacefully makes me so jealous because my eyes tiring actually but my neck cannot stand of it. Later plan to sleep while at KLIA2 since need to hang around at there for 3hours only take flight back to Penang which will reach at 8.20am according to flight itenarary.
His birthday finally ends happily with colleagues treated him Nando's as birthday lunch. Seems he like Nando's so much and he quite happy with the simple celebration. Look on his pic, he like slim lot but dunno he will wondering im not replying him back coz no wifi d.. :(
This 10days 9nights trip at Taiwan I really can feel my bf treat me so well which no changes at all and the one make changes is me! I feel so sorry to him! Fuck!!! While with him im keep on thinking another guy but that guy seems started focusing on his career and throw me aside d.. or else I got find him, he only reply me means he wont automatically find me! I can understand why he wont find me but in another way he makes me feel he dont miss me and feel that I can settle myself without any worries! This trip I bought super lots things for him and want buy more but like too much so control myself! One of it is my own handmade for him althought he wont use now but he will use it one day and really hope he will like it!
Haiz.. I really want to see whats the next.. izit im the one care more or same? Listening "寂寞的季节- 陶喆" now feeling empty and quiet..
Can't wait fast fast reach Penang and get on my lovely bed to sleep til the max! :)

Some words..

Just want to say thank you to him for working so hard to get the budget for my birthday trip at Taiwan. Although just a lil cake without any happening celebration but I know he got my heart just sometimes dont know how to show out.. on the other way I feel that he already use to it and im also be responsible on this because I let this happen! I really had no idea how I want to tell him that we really cannot make up.. honestly, whenever he want to xxx with me im rejected and on my side is not watery at all! Fuck!!! So this is sure on my mistake d.. im had no feeling with him anymore but still love him like my family. I really hope that can celebrate with him a sweet birthday I mean his birthday which one end of December 31st only decide to telling him we should breakup but can I wait? Can he wait? Im in love with another guy but this guy patient I had no idea with it so I just go on with my own feeling and im really hope he can understand why im like that? This is super long relationship and I really need to think of it because not only both of us.. both of our family and many more issues! I scare he hurt and I scare myself also cannot take it.. I dunno anything thats why until today I cant make any decision! He was so mad on me because of my stupid mind and I was so upset of his rudeness to me! I know he want me think right but im the one understand myself more than him just the timing there.. mayb he thought I was dragging time but its not.. everything come suddenly and I need to react instantly..
Arrghhhh, I had no idea what am I saying d! I really hope he understand my situation and why im told him that not to wait if he feels im dragging his time is because he is lost patient that was I felt! And sincere from my heart if he ownself decide not to wait I cant say anything just treat as we had no fate at all.. even I had breakup with my current bf.. I miss him :/

祝我生日快乐！

今天去了十分和平溪玩了一整天而且下了一整天的雨所以就穿上了雨衣一整天！嘻嘻。到了晚上吃了晚餐就回到九份，全角累垮了... 可是半路要回去的时候经过两个蛋糕店我请不致敬就哇一声因为太美丽也很可爱。我们走过了他就问我要吗？因为多下就生日~我就说不要了因为感觉上他都不想买因为我说不用了他也没多问！真的气死我了...可是这次旅行是他全包所以觉得算了因为真的花了蛮多钱！可是另一个想法在我的脑海里就是怎么连一小块的蛋糕都没有吗？算了吧，应该要自足！So, 礼物收到的是他亲手做卡片给我而我却没怎么样可是的确他很用心！惨了啦，我怎么了！对了，昨晚收到"他"的whatsapp.. 很开心因为他弹吉他"生日快乐"给我听！很好听也听了很多篇~最好笑的事，他跟我说了很多很多的话也用广东话也刚好我全听懂！不错吧~今晚他也唱了生日歌给我听可是我要求的！嘻嘻...开心可是最后他好像不爽不知我还是谁。Anyway, 今年感觉到生日最不疯狂的一年了！现在一个人在看戏而他累垮了所以睡觉了... LOL！晚安 :)

T.T

今天往九份去玩一玩可是交通工具非常麻烦也是要我一个人去安排因为其他不太懂这个方面！做了MRT也做了TAXI也到了在一个小时内。九份都是山路就像CAMERON HIGHLAND可是比较热闹也不太一样，最够力的事我们竟然住在很高的地方TAXI也带不到我们上去所以就拉着行李咯…累死了！到了酒店有点失望因为床有臭味尤其是枕头还有被单。我们住在地下室3楼所以当我要往上，楼梯太好了也不小心踢了我的脚子而且是母子！痛死我了，最让我有点炸到是他看到我敲到可是就站着那边问我怎么样？还好吧？妈的...我当然说没事咯！算了吧，他应该不懂我有多在意这些小事。可是我却感觉到他很想弥补要对我很好也疼我可是我却一直拒绝！不懂为什么就是拒绝拥抱拒绝一些对我们来说是正常的动作~我很想要告诉他可是又不懂怎么样。也很想要提早回去可是又不敢！快要疯了~ T.T

No title

I feel so bad because im treated him like normal until now I still thinking of him!!! Arrghhhh ><
Okla.. tomorrow journey long to go! Good night~

https://youtu.be/Q3kX63qPr5M

Complicated mind

A trip to Taiwan for 10days 9nights together with my bf and his friends! We sit Airasia flight from Penang to KL to Taiwan and its took us almost 10hours journey makes my neck sipek pain! When heading down to Taoyuan Airport time its been delayed for 10mins because traffic jammed and makes my ears popping dead pain! On flight we eat bo bo stuff, play some tic tac toe, listening music and sleeping.. Once we stepped on the Taiwan ground feeling good and get a taxi to our hotel.. quite cute thing is the driver seat is our opposite side and one of my friend open the left door but is driver door actually! Hahaha xD
We stayed Lotus Yuan Hotel and its cheap motel with quite nice bedroom! Check in hotel and find somewhere to eat which is 7eleven at nearby.. lots unique stuff especially the bento! We ate and get back hotel for deep rest almost 1am stuff.. before sleep switch on the tv and its super lots of channels! Yes, we sleep together but the feeling not right at all.. dunno why! We sleep side to side mayb because too tired but lots of complicated thinking of mine like no hug, no goodnight kiss anything! Zzz
Is ok.. the next day I woke up at 7am because too bright and after asked taxi driver which is our 3days taxi tour guide said that now is autumn so the night is dark at 7pm and bright is at 5am.. Deep! After woke up we took taxi to 高铁 heading to Taichung! Great view and super fast railway and clean and service so good.. once reach Taichung station we met the driver which is our taxi tour guide Mr.Ho he is nice uncle and bring us around before heading to our hotel. We went to Sun Lake Moon and the scenery is beautiful, trying the herbal eggs super yummylicious and the pear fruits so fresh! Uncle took for us pictures lot and he really volunteer be our photograph and teach us how to pose and that! In middle I feel over and dunno why too?! Haiz.. anyway, due to haze we couldn't see sunset which mentioned its will reflect the sunset to water and the water is full of golden yellow colour~ can u imagine that? While waiting Uncle Ho we trying draught beer which cost us NTD100 not bad and its taste like Kirin beer! After that, he bring us to Wenwu Temple and its located Sun Lake Moon highest mountain pray but the scenery still not clear but when see with real eyes is super amazing!
After that, uncle bring us have a traditional Taiwan kochabi 卤肉饭.. nice but quite small portion after that only heading to CingJing check in hotel.. I tell u what? I am super duper love this CingJing hotel.. love love love!!! So cold while drinking liquor super warm and heading up the moonlight was shine on your head that you sitting the garden.. soooo good! Now enjoying the night.. can't wait for tomorrow morning to walk out balcony and look outside beautiful scenery on rooftop :)

031015

Recently im joining as trainer for my part time feeling good and fit. I met a young girl with very active and joyful named Carrie who is my partner too! We workout and trained people everyday. Last weekends, she suggest to hiking just want to see the sunrise. Quite interesting so i'm joining plus she got jio him makes me want to follow too but luckily we use the first trip of train get up to Penang Hill at 6.30am.. reaching there with quite disappointed because too much haze so its blocked the sunrise! After we snap snap everywhere and walk walk everywhere we have our breakie at the foodcourt.. After that, I saw the air brush tattoo makes me wanna try so I choose a deer as my tattoo; feeling excited and down again because halfway the ink couldn't come out so the indian girl wash it out and the deal is end! Next, we hike down from Penang hill using the tar road and that time is about 9am plus..
The tar road is sooo 90° and I can imagine that if hike up sure dead on halfway.. the distance from Penang Hill down to Botanical Garden is took 5km! I love the moment we took pictures around with all smelly sweat and chit chat while hike down.. hahahaha xD
On the half way about 2km we using mud road something like jungle trecking to end our hiking experience! This is my first time and feeling adventure walk by the forest and get down by using staircases! A moment makes me super excited is when u saw the tar road ending after the staircases.. and shout out FINALLY! And we made it.. I love the nature, sound of water, birds chirping and some winds.. too bad of the hazzy makes the experience not so complete!
After done the hiking, we took Uber car to Gurney just want to eat lots of meat (BBQ Plaza) too bad is renovation! So the end we ate Nando's as our lunch.. After that, we took rapid bus to komtar and change the route back to Penang Hill get our car which park at there in the morning! Feeling wonderful and back home without rest just took a bath heading to friend's sis daughter birthday! Sounds far right? Hahaha.. its another new experience to me which is full of Hello Kitty theme party! The deco is decorate by wanxin.. she really talented and of course helping her some stick and deco too!
Sing birthday song, cut a cake and have some toast about 9pm I chaoz for another round birthday gathering at Beer Fac Sunmerton with my collaegues. Is Wilber birthday and Eva all the way from KL coming down too.. we have chilling with Johnny Walker Black Label called as HighBall for our main alcohol together some poker cards to play "King" game. In middle we giving him a surprise singing birthday song and bought him fav choc banana cake.. He like it and thanks to Beer Fac staff to make the environment more happening which thrown the orange vodka on his mouth too! Quite fun but not so crazy as I thought.. about 1am plus we all end the gathering and heading to Jiao Sai for supper. We ate and all back own home. This is the day that quite hard to forget too because all is new memory for me and I guess he too. 031015 :)