加重！

分了手，可是他却不死心还一直烦我的身边的朋友让我很懊恼！我只是要让他自己领悟我们的问题可是他却没有而是不想输一只想办法要我回来~想买东西给我还有做一些有没有的东西。朋友们都开始觉得反感了也真的觉得他有问题，他真的失去理智当他感觉到我有人追求。他怕我接受了他，他就没有机会了可是现在他做了这些会让他连机会都失去了！可是我又不想这样，真的伤脑筋。今天是gep和他们的merchants聚会让后从昨晚他第一次很认真的告诉我要睡觉了很累一点都不想说了然后就让他去睡觉吧可是到今天早上到了现在都不跟我说话也不看我一眼！真是的~所以我也不要说那么多了就出去，去找3个merchants然后买了香蕉糕坐在车里一边吃一边等时间上班！刚刚他whatsapp我说他今晚不来了因为有dinner聚会和他的老板我就回复好吧就没了。他也不问回我也没多问了！心情不舒服~不懂为什么可能又是那个在意的心情吧！讨人厌 :/

071115 Goodbye my love!

Step in 4th days after breaking up and feeling normal now because like always did just in your heart that you always put him inside slowly taking out day by day! Yea, the date mentioned on my title is the day we broke up and im crying for 2days. Feeling bad but im struggle for almost 3 years problem finally made up and why crying is because 8yrs relationship gone just due on my feeling. I'm open my laptop look back all my memories with him and I found out its getting lesser year by year until for so long the end memory is ending on our last week holiday at Taiwan. I saw the pics that we taken is not like our 1years or previous years anymore. I admitted that I couldn't wait because im waiting for 8yrs and its still the same. Im the one like surprise, romantic and giving hints but in this relationship its make me open my hints until I need to straightforward with him what I want what I need its still the same. I celebrating birthday at Taiwan, sound nice but there is no celebration and lil surprise for me. No complaint just feel our direction is different and just we feel comfort due the period of relationship until we lazy to spoke out!
In my heart, he is still a good man just he had not aware that he already use to it without giving any action and thought work harder to give me better future. He is a kind man, he giving his everything to me as long I am requested but he dont know how to express his love on action! Mayb you cant get me but I know him well and made this decision is the super hard in my life but I made it. Really hope he can keep on his life and treat better to the next one because I know he will be a good husband. No fate be together but I wish we still can be friend oh no is very best friend so called soul mate. Hope so because until now we no finding each other and I am wondering what he is doing? Did he eat on time? Did he feel alright and concentrate back on his work? Until today I saw him "like" on one of my fb post! I shocked and smile coz I can feel he is alright.
So, after all this with all weirdo healing time like crying while eating, crying while laughing and many more I will enjoy my single life although in my heart there got someone treat me so well and we got complicated relationship there but I feel that I should take it slow and see his action! I want see the sincerity, caring, comfortable, and the ready of him. Of course I will give others chance if got but im willing to hear the proposal with officially. God bless :)

不解！

有时候我觉得是不是我一厢情愿呢？感觉到我给了他很多次机会可是他好像不怎么样感到我自己觉得很渴望什么什么的。开始不明白他到底要怎么样，还是依然爱我还是累了不爱了！刚刚在bnb时候，当他一个人做的时候我就去纠正他可是他竟然很不自然的看别的地方而且一直找Carrie来教他！那个动作让我觉得很伤心也很难过...是他故意的还是真的不想和我面对面可是我去带他又要我带真的让我伤脑筋。他做了这个反应时候，我的心真的不自在也很想哭可是那时我还教其他人所以就忍住了当作没事！终止它让我不知该如何是好，我不懂该不该对他一样好还是他不喜欢我对他这样了开始厌倦我这个做不到决定的人还要对别人拉拉扯扯！我就是在等时机嘛~算了吧，如果对我是还有心的话我自然会看到他的急急而不是我一直找他烦他才看到他对我的反应！竟然他让我觉得他不想了也不想让我去他的家了就没关系了就怪我自己吧！真的时间可以证明一切也可以证明其实别人不是那么的喜欢你只是自己不小心掉了湖里还找不到呼吸的地方。也许这两个人都不属于我的因为他们真的一点不怎么样 :(

Goodbye Taiwan!

It's 3.34am midnight and im still awake, couldn't sleep well because the seat makes my neck so pain! So I had ordered peanut RM5 to bite while listening my music and singing softly.. on half way the captain announced to buckle up the seat belt due the weather not stable so everyone buckle up including me of course. Looking out the window its lighting everywhere and the flight is floating bit but still ok! I'm seat on 42G which is center seat.. both of my sides sleeping so peacefully makes me so jealous because my eyes tiring actually but my neck cannot stand of it. Later plan to sleep while at KLIA2 since need to hang around at there for 3hours only take flight back to Penang which will reach at 8.20am according to flight itenarary.
His birthday finally ends happily with colleagues treated him Nando's as birthday lunch. Seems he like Nando's so much and he quite happy with the simple celebration. Look on his pic, he like slim lot but dunno he will wondering im not replying him back coz no wifi d.. :(
This 10days 9nights trip at Taiwan I really can feel my bf treat me so well which no changes at all and the one make changes is me! I feel so sorry to him! Fuck!!! While with him im keep on thinking another guy but that guy seems started focusing on his career and throw me aside d.. or else I got find him, he only reply me means he wont automatically find me! I can understand why he wont find me but in another way he makes me feel he dont miss me and feel that I can settle myself without any worries! This trip I bought super lots things for him and want buy more but like too much so control myself! One of it is my own handmade for him althought he wont use now but he will use it one day and really hope he will like it!
Haiz.. I really want to see whats the next.. izit im the one care more or same? Listening "寂寞的季节- 陶喆" now feeling empty and quiet..
Can't wait fast fast reach Penang and get on my lovely bed to sleep til the max! :)

Some words..

Just want to say thank you to him for working so hard to get the budget for my birthday trip at Taiwan. Although just a lil cake without any happening celebration but I know he got my heart just sometimes dont know how to show out.. on the other way I feel that he already use to it and im also be responsible on this because I let this happen! I really had no idea how I want to tell him that we really cannot make up.. honestly, whenever he want to xxx with me im rejected and on my side is not watery at all! Fuck!!! So this is sure on my mistake d.. im had no feeling with him anymore but still love him like my family. I really hope that can celebrate with him a sweet birthday I mean his birthday which one end of December 31st only decide to telling him we should breakup but can I wait? Can he wait? Im in love with another guy but this guy patient I had no idea with it so I just go on with my own feeling and im really hope he can understand why im like that? This is super long relationship and I really need to think of it because not only both of us.. both of our family and many more issues! I scare he hurt and I scare myself also cannot take it.. I dunno anything thats why until today I cant make any decision! He was so mad on me because of my stupid mind and I was so upset of his rudeness to me! I know he want me think right but im the one understand myself more than him just the timing there.. mayb he thought I was dragging time but its not.. everything come suddenly and I need to react instantly..
Arrghhhh, I had no idea what am I saying d! I really hope he understand my situation and why im told him that not to wait if he feels im dragging his time is because he is lost patient that was I felt! And sincere from my heart if he ownself decide not to wait I cant say anything just treat as we had no fate at all.. even I had breakup with my current bf.. I miss him :/